…to even talk with family and friends when you are on the slide of depression. It isn’t a disease in the sense of poison ivy or an infection where there are simple medical steps to take. Even describing that something isn’t right sounds almost lame, like an excuse. But it’s not. Do I want to sit alone? Yes. No. I don’t know.
A place to reflect
So you probably have determined that this has been another difficult week. There isn’t one event or trigger point, nothing that someone said, but a gradual slide. And it is difficult to talk to others about it. Sometimes I want to crawl into a hole; other times I want to be alone, but where, and how? I can’t even answer those simple questions.
Is it serious? No, but it is frustrating, and puts me on edge at times. Impatient with myself, with others, with life in general.
Someone sent me a Scripture reference this past week: Psalm 42:9-11
I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
And there is the answer, to which I cling…it has been the lifeline I needed.
I’ve been there a number of times myself and am praying for you as you are there.
“Even describing that something isn’t right sounds almost lame, like an excuse. But it’s not. Do I want to sit alone? Yes. No. I don’t know.”
Ever say “I think my body’s just fighting something.” True, but also comfortably evasive
For whatever reason, fighting a virus does not feel shameful, like fighting depression does. (And honestly, sometimes it really could be either thing that makes a person so tired and down!)
Thanks for sharing……while out is a struggle….it is a blessing to many!
I have to agree that one of the most dangerous effects of depression is the isolation that happens because of it. We can even be alone in a crowd of friends. There are also times when I want to lash out….at my wife, my co-workers, even God.
The aloneness is not just by yourself. It’s the place where your mind can settle into the self-soothing patterns of thought and reflection without the distractions of life and chatter. Perhaps you will find the appropriate thoughts floating to the surface that give you the beginning roadmap through the forest into the fields once there is quiet and solitude.
When you frown upon yourself for either seeking the alone/quiet time or just the absence of routine actions by thinking it’s just an isolationist response to issues; remember that you have the need for both connection and that quiet time to sort it all out. The only time to check yourself is when that time begins to wear on others – when you have begun to shut them out. Balance is key, you need both and sometimes they hit at the same time.
Be gentle with yourself and just remember to let your loved ones know, “I am going to sit over here for a while and ponder quietly… don’t worry, I’ll re-join you later.” They can function when they understand your needs. Communicate to both them and most importantly yourself. Give yourself the time and room to reconnect with the part of you that needs attention right now. It’s not verbalizing it well, so you are led to be quiet and pensive – look for the abstract in your thoughts. It’s those flashes that come from your non-verbal self that are pushing you to quiet and seclusion so you can recognize them for what they are.
Sorry this turned out to be a lecture. I’m working through that space now.
Pingback: Depression, Christians, and ministering in the midst of that - Page 2 - Christian Forums